Monday, December 4, 2017

Review: Goosebumps "The Haunted House Game"

Before I discuss what this episode is, I'll take this moment to talk about what the episode isn't.

It's not a faithful adaptation of the source material.

In 1996, Scholastic published "Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps," which was the third Goosebumps anthology of short stories. Now, I can't be 100% certain that R.L. Stine wrote any of these tales intended to give you goosebumps. From what I've been able to find online, Scholastic requires R.L. Stine to write the main Goosebumps books, but they can use whatever ghost writers they want for any and all spinoffs. A short story called "Fun with Spelling" was written by Carolyn Crimi, who also did some ghostwriting for the Fear Street books.

But whoever wrote "The Haunted House Game" ended up writing a story that was surprisingly different from the Robin Williams film it was probably inspired by. The short story was a simple tale about some kids who play The Haunted House Game. Every space they land on says something creepy, like "Wind rattles the window," which then happens in real life, escalating until one of them lands on the "Scared to death" space, at which point one of them runs outside and finds an old newspaper that says that they died of fear decades ago. Then he slowly forgets what happened, and all the kids start to relive the board game that led to their deaths once again.

Which means that every single change made for the TV adaptation not only made the story more like Jumanji, but was more-than-likely supposed to make the story more like Jumanji, right down to the kids that were trapped from an earlier game.

But all the stuff they added to this episode didn't add to the story. Things happen, but....  You know what this episode is? It's a setting in search of a plot.


There is little point discussing this episode, since it barely qualifies as an episode. The only plot to speak of is "Kids play a haunted board game."

I mean, I could do the whole Review right here in fewer than 40 words.

Plot/Themes
Two kids play a haunted board game for their lives.

Characters
Jonathan

The one who doesn't want to play, but is forced to.

Nadine
The bland one.

Visuals
Interesting set design and practical effects, subpar CG.

There really is that little meat on this episode's bones. This is a nothing of an episode. So instead, I'll go over the potential that I think this episode had for a game show spinoff.

There was a show in the UK called Knightmare, with a very interesting premise. This Dungeon Master type named Treagar would summon a team of UK kids to complete tasks to make their way through the Dungeon of Deception. One kid would be tasked with going through the dungeon, and he wore a helmet that obscured his vision. See, he'd be walking through a big ol' green screen room, and the other three kids on the team would watch him progress from Treagar's throne room. Backgrounds would be chroma keyed in, and the other three kids would radio him advice. "Take the blue potion," "head right," trivia answers, stuff like that. Nickelodeon had something pretty similar back in the day with Legends of the Hidden Temple, although that show put a but more focus on physical challenges and competing teams, though it did still have puzzles to solve.

The reason I bring these old shows up is because I think having a game show version of The Haunted House Game- under a snappier title, of course- could have been very interesting.

Wouldn't it be fun to watch two teams compete to solve different puzzles and make their way through a spooky mansion? Like, you could have a room with thirteen magic amulets, right? And one of them lets you defeat Dracula, or whatever. You can only take one with you, and you have to figure out a logic riddle to know which one to take. And then in the next room, maybe something like the bone piano from The Goonies. Like, a music puzzle.

Or maybe just a Goosebumps-themed game show, where you make your way through a spooky mansion and defeat Goosebumps monsters by answering quizzes and earning the secret to their defeat, like Knightmare.

I don't know, I'm just spitballing here.

This episode is not entertaining. Watching bland fictional characters solve puzzles simply isn't as interesting as watching bland real-life kids solve puzzles, which is why I think this should have spawned a game show spinoff. This could have been a staple of Fox Kids TV. This could have been serious competition for Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego?, and I don't say that lightly.

And the reason I bring this up is because the set design is actually darn good for a 1-part episode that's 90% filler. A giant game board, multiple spooky rooms, a set of rules that could easily work for a real-life version of the game... Why spend time and effort on such a filler episode? Were they just running out of stories to adapt by this point?  I don't know. I just don't know.

Music
It's really weird. The music choices are odd, like a hip-hop beat after they narrowly escape the first zombie.

Monster of the Week: Ghouls
These game-obsessed creatures jsut aren't interesting. Their feud doesn't parallel anything between Nadine and Jonathan, and they raise a lot of questions regarding motivation, and eve nwhat the heck they are in the first place.

Barking Dogs: No

Boring Best Friend: They all are.

Child Grabbing: Yes
Nadine grabs Jonathan for a cheap jump scare.

Foliage POV Cam: No

Mad Scientist: No

Murder: No

Red Paint: No

I don't think any red paint was used in this painting.
Werewolves: No

X-Files Shout-Out: No

Final Thoughts
Just... avoid this one. Watch some Knightmare reruns instead.

Next time, Goosebumps tackles issues like mindless conformity and fascism. Kind of.

See you then!

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